I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
