he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
