So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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