i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
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the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
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Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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