i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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