i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize