I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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