Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Drake has all the answers
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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