So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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