Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I am available for nakedness
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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