Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
