She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
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i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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