I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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