I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
