no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
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