i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
