yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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