remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
