A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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