Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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