why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
