her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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