Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The ass gains better be worth it
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