My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I checked into jail on foursquare
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
