This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize