I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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