I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
