Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
