I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
