You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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