He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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