My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
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his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
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Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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