saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
