The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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