I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
