You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
