Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
