Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
