i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
