i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
