fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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