okay pat passed out under dana's car
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize