I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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