I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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