I bet he comes in French.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
