It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
