We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
