Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
