We need to start having sex underwater more often.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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