i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize