We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
how does that bad decision feel?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
