we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
