Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
