So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
