I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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