There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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