I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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