So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
