the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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