Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
