i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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