no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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