I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
